Looking Forward To Step 8

by Michelle on April 5, 2012

Something that has been weighing in heavy for me has been amends when I have done wrong. Specifically in my past, today I make amends immediately and take responsibility but it wasn’t always that way for me. Whether your in a program of recovery or just simply acting as a good human being then you encounter this possibly daily; making the right decisions between right and wrong. Some of our actions have lasting effects on those we have hurt. Believe it or not- not only did it have a lasting effect on them but on us as well, it’s called guilt and remorse.

I noticed when I think of certain situations in my past I am so willing to make amends; however I have so much fear, pain and thoughts of rejection that it holds me back. I again have put myself first in this situation; actually I have placed my fear center stage.  When I think of amends I shouldn’t be that way; regardless of my fear I need to put the fact that amends not only allows freedom for me but it also allows the recipient to have acknowledgement that I have identified my faults in the situation and I am asking for them to forgive me. I know that may not always be the case; because the one who receives the apology doesn’t have to accept it. And I have come to terms with that. When you hurt people it’s hard to undo what has been done. Consider this, when we hurt someone by our actions and or words its like wound…some heal and some do not. Those that do heal, well there is a scare to remind them and you.  The first step in the healing process is taking that first step acknowledgment.  Step eight is a big step; don’t undermine it or think otherwise. That step says: Make a list of all people we have harmed and became willing to make amends with them all. KEY word willing; you hear this word a lot in a 12 step program. Willingness is a key to your success in this program as well as acceptance.

I am approaching this step soon with my sponsor and it was about 30 days into my sobriety that all those wounds slowing started opening up and the memories that I had tried so hard to forget came flooding back. I don’t know why some situations weight heavier in my heart than others. I am looking forward to working this step; I know I can’t get ahead of myself this program was made a long time ago and I am positive it was done in a fashion that we approach each step with the wisdom and guidance from the previous step. It is with faith, love, and hope that I move forward each day in my recovery with the acceptance of my actions and the willingness to make direct amends.

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